1. Examine the
software packaging until you find a little box that explains what kind
of computer system you need to run the software on. It should look something
like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR OR
HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ
MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK
SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING
SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES
Note: This software
will not work on your computer.
2. Open the software
packaging & remove the manual. This was included to cushion the software
during shipment. This manual will contain detailed instructions on installing,
operating, & trouble shooting the software. THROW IT AWAY.
3. Find the actual
software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5 floppy diskette
or a CD ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that reads;
LICENSING AGREEMENT
BY BREAKING THIS
SEAL, THE USER HEREINAFTER AGREES TO ABIDE BY ALL THE TERMS & CONDITIONS
OF THE FOLLOWING AGREEMENT THAT NOBODY EVER READS, AS WELL AS THE GENEVA
CONVENTION & THE U.N., THIS WOULD ALSO INCLUDE CHARTER & THE SECRET SERVICE
MEMBERSHIP OATH OF THE BENEVOLENT PROTECTIVE ORDER OF THE GRAND POO-BAH
& ELKS CLUB & SUCH OTHER TERMS & CONDITIONS, REAL & IMAGINARY, AS THE
SOFTWARE COMPANY SHALL DEEM NECESSARY & APPROPRIATE, INCLUDING THE RIGHT
TO COME TO THE USER'S HOME & EXAMINE THE USER'S HARD DRIVE, AS WELL AS
THE USER'S FALL & SPRING CLOTHES DRAWERS IF WE FEEL LIKE IT, UNTIL DEATH
DO US PART, ONE NATION INDIVISIBLE, BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT,...FINDERS
KEEPERS LOSERS WEEPERS, THANK-YOU YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT CROWD, & DON'T FORGET
TO TIP YOUR SERVERS.
4. Hand the software
to a child between the age of 3 through 12 and say; "Please install this
on my computer."
5. Turn the computer
on.
6. If you have no
child age 3 through 12, insert the software into the appropriate drive,
& type "SETUP" & press the ENTER key.
7. Once again type;
"SETUP" & press the ENTER key.
8. You will hear
a grinding whirring sound for a while after which the following message
should appear on your screen:
THIS PROGRAM HAS
PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION & WILL SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. THIS PROGRAM
WILL NOW EXAMINE YOUR SYSTEM TO SEE WHAT WOULD BE THE BEST WAY TO RENDER
IT INOPERABLE. IS IT OK WITH YOU BUD? Choose one & be honest:
* YES
* SURE, WHY NOT
IT'S PAID FOR
9. After you make
your selection, you will hear grinding & whirring for a very long time
while the installation program does who-knows-what in there. At the very
least, the installation program will create many new directories & sub-directories
onto your hard drive & fill them with thousands of mysterious files with
names like; CHOP.EXE, PUREE.EXE & CAPUCHINO.EXE...
10. When the installation
program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS
& WELCOME TO WEBTV!!
The installation
program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer & has grown
bored. You may now attempt to run your software.
If you experience
any problems, like; electrical shocks, insomnia, nasal discharge or split
ends please contact Customer Service as directed on the box.
A
12 Step Program on How to install software
